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Rocks and Sticks and Spit and Mud

by Jack Larkin

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1.
Through the anxious sweet delight of journey one revels in the burning light of many suns. Still, when the destination comes within the range of sight, it is revealed as ruins of a civilization that was here once. Come crush a kingdom in its cradle and witness a catastrophe that's sparing none. He lets the fear to finally find and fill the travellers heart, to realize that his own story's nearly done. We don't see under us layers of the dead. In the burning light of many suns we seek ourselves instead. We are animals. The memories of a thousand lives won't deviate or alleviate this pain. The path of the chosen few leads courageous and the dangerous astray. The last beams of hope I get from dreaming and screaming away. And when the mayhem's finally over and death has sang the world its final lullaby, the chosen few that lived and struggled through the greatest trial now turn their eyes above and flee into the sky. They don't hear over us echoes of the dead. In the burning light of many suns they seek themselves instead.
2.
Origami Bird 04:48
I found a feather of a bird that's spying at my door. I recognize the colors. Might've seen them wings before. So even though the light between us comes towards the end, still, when the tower crumbles, I will be your only friend. But if you leave, I will turn to stone. I will wait through the night, when you're gone. An origami bird came knocking on my window pane. The sound had always driven lonely-hearted men insane. But if your heart is made of rocks and sticks and spit and mud, the sound will soak right in it and dissolve into your blood. But if you leave, I will turn to dust. I will wait thought the winter, if I must. If you leave, I will turn to dew. Please, remember to turn off the light, if you do. When you do. And if the sky becomes a bore and currents let you down, come back to take your kingdom over and reclaim your crown. And if along the way your wings get melted by the sun, I'll be there to catch you falling, I'll be there to help you run. But if you leave, I will turn to smoke. I remember every promise that I broke. If you leave, I will turn to dew. Please, remember to turn off the light, if you do. When you do.
3.
I don't expect mercy tonight. She's gonna come for me tonight. I hear you call me by somebody else's name. Not gonna play this game tonight. The black is coming, I'm done running away. Instead I choose to hide in it again. The pain brings on the warm familiar state. I've got the silence tamed, darkness I'm not afraid of anymore. I don't expect you to hold onto me tonight. I don't expect you to believe that I'm alright. I hear you call me by some demonic names. Not gonna play this fucking game.
4.
Slice her up or push her down the stairs. Feed her poison, drive her to despair. Killing mother is your dream. Looks like you'd prefer to keep it clean. Fear the deed, but all in for the sin. Hexing mother is the way. Let the Saturday take care of her now. It is best to not to get involved. Leave the rest to demons to resolve. Hexing mother in your room. Hexing mother. Bring her doom.
5.
I loved you and you loved me, but suddenly we are family. My mom is now your mom and your dad is her man. All the dreams I've memorized. I cannot help, but feel terrorized and I don't know, what to do. Is incest a bad thing? Sister and brother. I hate my mother. She ruined us like a hurricane. Sister and brother. I hate your father. They ruined us in a silly game. We can find a way to go, we can make it on our own, we'll just try to live our lives and leave them behind. I've got a gun, you've got an alibi. Pull the trigger, I won't cry, cos I now know what to do. Is murder the best thing? Shit got weird, when they split. Maybe I'm a hypocrite. I'm afraid that you don't turn me on anymore. No need to kill, no need to feel, no need to drag another wheel. You're not my sister, it's no fun and fun keeps me alive.
6.
The Bruise 03:47
She has a bruise on her thigh, she has a bruise on her thigh. I wish that I didn't know, I wish those teethmarks were mine. She has a cut in her skin, I wish that I haven't seen. I wish that I didn't know she likes to cut herself clean. I squeeze the glass in my hand 'til it cracks. I spill the wine, I'm grinding my teeth 'til they break. I got some blood on my teeth, I got your blood on my teeth. Oh why, oh why you're not her? Her blood would give me relief. She rocks a bruise on her thigh. I wish them teethmarks were mine. I eat my cereal and smile, pretending everything's fine. Her toenails are painted black. I feel I'm under attack. I feel I'm under her spell and I may never come back. She has a wound in her soul, she cannot ever be whole. I wonder how could I steal that wound to make it my own. I squeeze the glass in my hand 'til it cracks. I sit in place, I'm biting my fingernails. I spill the wine, I'm grinding my teeth 'til they break.
7.
Villain's lover spills a waste in which I find myself immersed. How come in a voice such perfect whispers an unperfect verse? Let's defile your mouth with my dreams. If it crawls, then it is what it seems. Hungry for whatever words I spit. Let me wipe the venom from your lip. Choke choke choke on love. Crazed schizoids setting ears to find a pattern in the noise. Cursing angels in the sky, crushed to bits by heaven's voice. Pray for this existence to seize. Let's not look for new gods to please. Running out of stupid shit to do. Maybe all the wisdom is not for you.
8.
Deathwish 06:18
This time of year came along again. You're left alone and you need a friend. The disappointment seem to never end in here. The brighter days are not for you to see. Other people make it look so easy. You wanna love, you don't wanna be free in here. Take a walk among familiar faces. It brings up pain in all the wrong places. Memories of fun and days long gone. Your blood is freezing, suddenly you have to run. Your world is crumbling and your efforts come undone in here. I wish I could make your wish come true every time your daydream turns to black. Every time the night descends on you, I wish I could kill you and then bring you back. You cannot go like this, you cannot continue. Instead you choose to please the beast within you. How come it only desires your downfall? You feed it pills, you calm it down with alcohol, but in the end it breaks you down and makes you crawl back in here. I wish I could turn you into any color so you could try them on, until you're satisfied. Pray for us, although there's no tomorrow. I wish I could kill you and then bring you back.
9.
On that godless Friday night the sky poured filthy water. A woman left the house, where lives a boy we know as Jack. None exactly knew, how long these two have had been lovers. It was you, who fled and caused a poor man's heart to crack. Heard a woman say she saw you dashing down the road barefoot in the rain, your dress was crumpled in a ball. People talked behind your back. I swear they called you harlot. Even then I still believed you're not a one to fall. Who would've expected you to be the one, who didn't hesitate to profane a sacred union? At the Sunday sermon you sat beside your man and all the town watched as you didn't take communion. As I understand the one that you agreed to marry is known to be a man, who's not exactly gentle. He would take the hard way to make Jack learn to cherish those little silent moments with a gun pressed to his temple. The husband showed the boy around a room stacked up with coffins. He made remarks suggesting that this could be his end. He promised Jack he'll never ever see the girl again here. Before the sundawn they were leaving never to return. From a night of painful dreams Jack woke up on the main street. The sun was going up and so he knew it's all too late. He crawled out of the gutter and sat up on the sidewalk. He pulled out his guitar and this is, what he played -
10.
Sometime you lead me out, though I'd rather stay. Home is really nice each season of the year. But from the second floor you can't hear the people talk. And as we don't talk much, I let you take me out. Maybe we don't talk much, but we hear the same talks and share the same smirk of those, who know a lot. Downtown swaggers stroll, rambling twisted pavements. And as we don't talk much, I let you take me out. Not talking at all, sitting in the shadows. Downtown swaggers stroll on pavements so narrow, that all we can do is to silently ridicule. Sharing a smirk as together we lurk. We don't talk much, but at least you make me smile.

credits

released April 8, 2019

Written, performed, produced and recorded by Jakub J. Stelmaszczuk

Cover photo by Liwia Furga
Track 5 lyrics co-written by Sandra Gotte
Track 10 lyrics by Joanna Mazur
Bass guitar, amp and vocal recording equipment provided by Jerzy Stelmaszczuk

(c) Jakub J. Stelmaszczuk 2019

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Jack Larkin Warszawa, Poland

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